Wednesday, May 20, 2015

A Pity Party That Didn't Go So Well...and Then My Crock Pot Died

I would like you all to know I held myself a pity party last week and NONE of you came! Not one.
I'm a fairly positive person (though I have discovered my inner cynic, more on that in a second), so when I have a couple of days where I just feel "off" I don't know what to do.  
The pity party was a nice display of selfish feelings, sadness and good old fashion grumpiness. I still can't believe you didn't want to come?

Beautiful Things In Ugly Place
That is the theme this year with my senior clients and models.  It began with our fashion show and in the past two weeks we have photographed beautiful young women in some not so beautiful or at least dark places.  Everything will be released in the coming weeks and I hope you will soak them up for whatever reason hits you.  The theme took on huge meaning this week. 

In the midst of my pity party my roommate and life long college friend Lacey posted an article that left me unable to sleep. Ironically a good friend from my church sent me the link within minutes of the original post. It was ugly friends. It left me sad and my pity party went into uglier places.  I'll post the link below but I do warn you, you will feel burned and if you are having a pity party it will make you feel stupid for feeling sorry for yourself.  9, that is the number.

What Does This Have To Do With Photography?
This will sound all artsy, but photography is emotive for me.  I can't create if I can't feel or if my feelings are low and I'm frustrated or super upset.  Those who earnestly creative beings will understand the stretching and angst and amazing highs and lows we go through. So, these past few sessions I had I allowed to be dark, I allowed to let my introverted, non-transparent self to stay for awhile and create and learn.  I learned so much, that I am a better photographer in this moment than I was last week.   I am better person. 

God's Gift Is You
The number 9 .  That is the age of young girls being bought and sold in the Middle East.  So, I read through some threads and everyone wants the answer to "what can you do?"  There's so much hurt and darkness in our world, what can you do? It's overwhelming.
I don't have the answer, but unless you have the resources to put together a sting operation of rescue we are left here to do one thing. Pray. 
After we learn what happens on our knees then we CAN do a few things:
In our dark world we can create beauty.  We can teach our children gratefulness instead of entitlement. We can smile at someone.  We can encourage someone. We can be thankful for this very moment. (yes even if it's a baby crying or a loved one dying). We can let our hearts ache for those babies in the Middle East and still laugh with our children before bedtime.  We Can.

My Crockpot Died
Yep, it's a good thing I stole my moms so I had an extra one.  Sometimes being a thief pays off. However, this week a girl from the capital region died from a fall while hiking with her friends and then someone I have known almost my whole life lost her battle with cancer and left her children and husband behind. I sunk a little deeper. Dark.  As I looked at her Facebook page there was nothing but smiles and posts stating over and over how gracious God is and how good. There was the beauty.  Her faith, her smile in the middle of the the battle of ugly.  She created beautiful and was bold of her relationship with God. Beautiful.   The sad part of all this and I was bummed this week, because I hit a big milestone in my work and honestly - it wasn't a big deal to anyone. Well, except to a few close people haha. Seriously, how lame am I? (I might erase that confession).  

All that to say:
My pity party is closed for visitation, even to myself as it didn't really pay off too well. I didn't get off Facebook entirely, I need it for work and my occasional scroll through. However I took it off my phone and I check it twice a day. My inner cynic was starting to become an ugly beast.  People and their postings, dear heavens,  insert eye rolls to the point of causing permanent damage.  So, I relinquish my scrolling and leave everyone to post without my "le sigh".  Because, today I will create beautiful in my words, in my children, in my world.  There is so much darkness, but we can all create beauty. We can.  We don't have to be photographers to create or be running underground sting operations, we can just be human beings who are fearfully and wonderfully made. Ps. 139:14. We Can.

For the article please click here:

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